Fortunetelling Fan Gifts

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

'...It doesn't look good for us guys'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Why bother?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Asking out a palm reader.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Pie Filling Reader

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'