Fortune Telling Fan Gifts

'Frankly, I don't see any chance of your hitting it big in the stock market.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Fortune teller: Closed due to Forseen Circumstances.

'The fiscal cliff and debt ceiling are scaring people. I see lots of traders going to emerging markets.'

"I see fireworks, I see people celebrating..."

'You're going to meet a tall, dark stranger.'

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

'Sorry, I don't see anything about cattle futures.'

"I can see you'll meet a tall, very tall in fact, handsome stranger soon..."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Asking out a palm reader.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"