Football Commentary Aficionado Gifts

The theraputic quality of the World Cup only comes to the fore with a good xenophobic thrashing of foreigners.

"Portrait of a Lady"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

Why moms make bad refs.

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

The Harper Plays Cricket.

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

Fox hunting.

Playing football with snowmen in goal.

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

Football.

Snowman Football Fan.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."