Goal Aficionado Gifts

The Alter of Football

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"Portrait of a Lady"

Golfing Boss

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Raheem Sterling

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

Camping-Pong

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

Mohamed Salah

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

Why moms make bad refs.

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

The Harper Plays Cricket.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

Antler Buzzers.

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"Okay...let's concentrate on discussing strategy during halftime."

Cristiano Ronaldo

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'