Foodie Fusspot Gifts

'Molly here would like your immediate apology for the substandard service and wilty lettuce on her BLT!'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Night of the Latkes

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Can I give you a slice of the action?

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Benihana style of cooking.

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Kitchen Kapers

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Important Food Groups

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

The Streets - Night

Burnt or Raw?

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Better Not Squash.

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

Mother Bear to Baby Bear: 'No more Goldliocks until you've finished your porridge!'