Food Scare Skeptic Gifts

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

"Please don't kill me."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Gullib-Os

Fast Food Dieter

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Sorry, I can't tell your parents you're allergic to broccoli."

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'They're doing their tests now?

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

'These hot springs are great: I really do prefer food that's been washed in hot water...'

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

'No, Neville. I don't think anyone will ever open a burger bar around here. Now, finish your carrion!'

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe