Food Industry Skeptic Gifts

Gross pig size!

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

Fresh Fish

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

"Yes, it was a lovely meal wasn't it? I used a marvellous new caterer called 'pest control'."

And this is one we made earlier.

"The fog is thick, but so tender you can cut it with a fork."

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"I can grant you any wish you desire except for making sure the ice cream machine always works at McDonald's."

"What's so great about eating local? It's all fast food."

More New Cereals For Kids

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'