Food Safety Satirist Gifts

'Table cloth is filthy.' 'We've been open since 1976.'

'The Environment Health Officer thinks a SAFER menu would be 'Beans on Toast', 'Beans without Toast', 'Toast with Beans' and plain beans...'

Honest Vending

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Two vegans, please."

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

The Official Covid-19 Diet

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Chef copy robot

"Please don't kill me."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Safety Barriers

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

A genetically-modified,hydroponically-grown tomato conducts a taste-test of its own.

"What do you recommend today?"

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

Quick, what's the five-second rule in dog years?

Food inspection results