Food Photo Connoisseur Gifts

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Regular service or affected?"

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Avocado Timeline

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

'Amazing this pizza looks just like a brain scan of someone who's experiencing apophenia'

"Something photogenic for each of us."

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

"No thanks. I had a cracker in April."

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

'I don't want to eat this. I want to eat organic foods.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert!"

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

"Would it be possible to change this to something more instagrammable?"

"I'm watching my sugar intake."

'Personally, I've always liked Bordeaux with my Swiss.'

"I don't like the food here, but the photos I paot make my friends envious."

Craft A Yummy, Grammable Cocktail.

Kitchen chef

He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And we'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert … I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane. House of Java.

"Did you get the Gundersons' pics of their Caribbean cruise?"

Stock photography