Fitness Club Critic Gifts

"I canceled my membership, but they keep withdrawing money. I've lost 15 pounds so far fighting them in court."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I hate this time of year."

"Good coffee."

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

"Smacked down by reality in 24 seconds."

"Whatever."

"For God's sake, man, just tell me what we're running from!"

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

"I'm healthy. It's the wealthy and wise part that's been a challenge."

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

'No wonder this club has such a low membership fee.'

Personal Trainers Shall Inherit the Earth.

home fitness/fatness

'This yoga is too hot.'

Any exercise is better than none.

'Talk about boring...these exercise programs all have the same plot.'

'I got this fat by sitting around watching excercize video tapes.'

'...Isn't keeping fit fun...?'

I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer!

Fitness is for Wimps

Sigh - '' - 'Waaaaah!' - '' - 'Hey! I'm not that fat!!!' - '' -

Prescription Diet

His six pack must be all of six hundred-plus nowadays!

"You got this, gents! Sore today, strong tomorrow! Obstacles are opportunities!"

"I hate gym...but I started liking it more when I think of it as a health club paid for by the government."

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

"I can feel the effects of these workouts already - my wallet's gotten a lot lighter."

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

A bull on a treadmill

'Yummy scrummy.'