Fitness Tracker Critic Gifts

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"I hate this time of year."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"I've been feeling healthier since I attached my fitbit to the collar of my neighbor's terrier."

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"Better get a move on, only 1,314,000 steps till Christmas."

"Good coffee."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

Body weight app on mobile

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It was wearing a Fitbit?"

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

"I WAS feeling fine but then the health app on my watch said I might be DEAD."

"Forget 10,000 steps. I've programmed it to help me reach 10,000 dollars a day."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

The closest I get to running these days is jogging my memory!

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

'My doctor has put me on a strict NO-STRETCH exercise program.'

'Mom, what are 'stairs' for?'