Fitness Critic Gifts

"I hate this time of year."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Sawdust.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

"Good coffee."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

Health Foods

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'Now that's more like it.'

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

Obesity: Mechanical & Biological.

"Daddy is fiscally buff."

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise in a car at a gym.

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

The closest I get to running these days is jogging my memory!

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

'It's finally happened - no fats, no sugar, no colouring, no ingredients whatsoever!'

Health Club: For Regular People