Fitness Fashion Critic Gifts

"Can't you take up some kind of sport that doesn't involve spandex?"

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"That shirt is so last year."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Mod Kwan Doh

"I hate this time of year."

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Do you have pants in XL?"

Non-Uniform Day Today.

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"You're wearing too much rouge."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

'It appears I have too much cargo for my pants.'

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"