Fitness Tracker Critic Pillows

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"I hate this time of year."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"Good coffee."

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

Body weight app on mobile

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

"Forget 10,000 steps. I've programmed it to help me reach 10,000 dollars a day."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

"I WAS feeling fine but then the health app on my watch said I might be DEAD."

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'

'My doctor has put me on a strict NO-STRETCH exercise program.'

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

'Mom, what are 'stairs' for?'

Sigh - '' - 'Waaaaah!' - '' - 'Hey! I'm not that fat!!!' - '' -