Exercise Critic Pillows

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

On the back of the t-shirt...

"This feels like an accomplishment."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

Biceps, muscles and brawn

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

Running

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

Exercise Class

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"I told him he should have trained more."

'He taught me the importance of taking a walk each day.'

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

Jogging Bottoms

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Keep Fit.

"I just reached 1000 jumps."