Fitness Video Critic Pillows

'...Isn't keeping fit fun...?'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I hate this time of year."

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

Gym. Try our Boot Camp Classes. I was dishonorably discharged!

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

Sit-ups / Stationary-ups

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

"Smacked down by reality in 24 seconds."

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"Whatever."

"I'm healthy. It's the wealthy and wise part that's been a challenge."

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

"For God's sake, man, just tell me what we're running from!"

Gym Paperboy.

Could I go back and forth a few times first? I've almost got my steps in for today.

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

'This yoga is too hot.'

Marvin's new fitness tracker had motivational software.

'Talk about boring...these exercise programs all have the same plot.'

Fitness is for Wimps

'That treadmill was used only one time, I swear.'

"I canceled my membership, but they keep withdrawing money. I've lost 15 pounds so far fighting them in court."

'Here, hold my dentures.'

"You got this, gents! Sore today, strong tomorrow! Obstacles are opportunities!"

I bought P90X, Insanity, T25, and I even went old school and bought Tae Bo. I don't care how many you bought, I'm telling you clicking "buy now" doesn't burn any calories.

"It's a new diet book. You can't eat until you finish reading a chapter."

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

"I can feel the effects of these workouts already - my wallet's gotten a lot lighter."