Fitness Club Critic Pillows

"I canceled my membership, but they keep withdrawing money. I've lost 15 pounds so far fighting them in court."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I hate this time of year."

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"I've been feeling healthier since I attached my fitbit to the collar of my neighbor's terrier."

Gym. Try our Boot Camp Classes. I was dishonorably discharged!

"Good coffee."

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

"Smacked down by reality in 24 seconds."

"Whatever."

"For God's sake, man, just tell me what we're running from!"

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

"I'm healthy. It's the wealthy and wise part that's been a challenge."

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

Personal Trainers Shall Inherit the Earth.

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

'No wonder this club has such a low membership fee.'

home fitness/fatness

'This yoga is too hot.'

Fitness is for Wimps

Any exercise is better than none.

'...Isn't keeping fit fun...?'

'I got this fat by sitting around watching excercize video tapes.'

'Talk about boring...these exercise programs all have the same plot.'

'That treadmill was used only one time, I swear.'

Prescription Diet

His six pack must be all of six hundred-plus nowadays!

Sigh - '' - 'Waaaaah!' - '' - 'Hey! I'm not that fat!!!' - '' -

I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer!

"You got this, gents! Sore today, strong tomorrow! Obstacles are opportunities!"

"I hate gym...but I started liking it more when I think of it as a health club paid for by the government."

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

"I can feel the effects of these workouts already - my wallet's gotten a lot lighter."

A bull on a treadmill

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'