Fishy Theologian Gifts

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Fish Food

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

School of Fish

One of the crucial moments in evolution: 'It's a beautiful day today... We could go out for a walk...'

God feeding the angels.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

Jesus Fish

"It is one of life's great mysteries. No one has ever returned to tell."

The way I look at it...give a man a fish and you got a potential customer. Teach a man to fish and you lose market share.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

'He's not too swift with the rest of the commandments, but he does rest on Sundays.'

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.