Fish Comedy Fan Gifts

'Get lost, two's company, three's a shoal.'

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

'What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?'

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

Fisherman pulling out hook with sign on it saying 'Gone Swimmin'.

'Steroids.'

"Is really wet, here!"

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

Fish Workout

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

"Just ignore them. They're summer people."

"We've ruled out Islamophobia and Homophobia. Let's turn to food phobias. How do you feel about Tilapia?"

'Well, sorry, but I can't see anything exciting happening anytime soon...'

"Don't worry, I quite enjoy a fishy breath: Now, open wide..."

Chez Ernie. Freezer. You still can't call it "freshly caught," Ernie.

How evolution was inspired by children

'Like they say, 'give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give him a fish store, he can go bankrupt.'

Take two of these with a glass of air.

'Say on the papers!'

"I don't know, how long can you tread water?"

"Seriously, you have to stop getting up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water."

Fire Exit

'Gimme your wallet! I've got a salmon, and it's farmed'

"You know what I'm sick of? Krill."

Gesundheit! (When whale sneezes, smaller fish emerge from its blow hole.)

"And that's why there aren't any fish comedians."

Putting on ice

Fish with Human Trophy

'Another foreclosure.'

"You just graduated from the best, most fun school ever! Nice!"

"My memory is awful, so stop me if I've told this one before."

'The problem with living in water is I can never tell when my contact lens is in!'

"Don't worry Josh, there's plenty more fish in the sea."

Wild Wild Salmon