First Semester Gifts

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Computer Room.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'It's all original research. I had no assistance when I looked it up on Wikipedia.'

Do your research!

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

University Soapflakes

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

Now showing, at a University near you...

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I have a huge Algebra final tomorrow. I know I'm gonna fail."

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

Pull an all-nighter?

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

"How'd I do on the test?"

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"That was one of the hardest exams ever. I don't think anybody got a good grade."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.