College Semester Gifts

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

Computer Room.

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Do your research!

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"One year closer to college!"

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"My homework ate my dog."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Now showing, at a University near you...

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'