College Semesters Gifts

"Your mom and I fully support you in your pursuit of a college education...but...it's just gotten too costly and we're not going to fund you after this semester."

Computer Room.

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Do your research!

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"My homework ate my dog."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Now showing, at a University near you...

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"I have a huge Algebra final tomorrow. I know I'm gonna fail."

Pull an all-nighter?