College Semesters Gifts

"Your mom and I fully support you in your pursuit of a college education...but...it's just gotten too costly and we're not going to fund you after this semester."

Computer Room.

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'It's all original research. I had no assistance when I looked it up on Wikipedia.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Do your research!

University Soapflakes

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"My homework ate my dog."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Now showing, at a University near you...

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"I have a huge Algebra final tomorrow. I know I'm gonna fail."

Pull an all-nighter?