New Semester Start Gifts

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Evil Exams!

The best PE teacher in the World.

"When I grow up, I don�t know whether to be a stunt amn or a train driver"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"It's going to be one of those days."

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

I love PE.

"There are days when I wish we'd never agreed to him changing his spots"

Did you let the global warming skeptics into eco club? Yeah. It went fine. We agreed to work on today's environmental problems. We don't have to wait 50 years to clean up toxic waste dumps! Amen.

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

Don't you hate...

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

"Finally...school starts next week."

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Ah, bless. His first day at school."

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

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