Starting New School Term Gifts

'No. I left my watch at home along with my freedom.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

Evil Exams!

The best PE teacher in the World.

"When I grow up, I don�t know whether to be a stunt amn or a train driver"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

Big Bang Theory.

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

I love PE.

"There are days when I wish we'd never agreed to him changing his spots"

Did you let the global warming skeptics into eco club? Yeah. It went fine. We agreed to work on today's environmental problems. We don't have to wait 50 years to clean up toxic waste dumps! Amen.

Jimmy had a very active imagination.

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"Finally...school starts next week."

Don't you hate...