Starting New School Year Gifts

'You are entering second grade, Roger, not first grade the sequel.'

"I thought I'd get a much warmer reception."

The first day of school is always filled with crazy emotions. Joy and trauma. Triumph and failure. Frustration and disappointment. And that's just dealing with my cruddy new locker.

"I don't want to be bad at algebra, but I can't help it! I'm good at it."

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

Evil Exams!

The best PE teacher in the World.

"When I grow up, I don�t know whether to be a stunt amn or a train driver"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

Big Bang Theory.

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

"I've outgrown my backpack."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"It's going to be one of those days."

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

I love PE.

"There are days when I wish we'd never agreed to him changing his spots"

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"