First Gallery Visit Gifts

'Any other opinion about this painting besides Kevin's?'

'No Billy, it doesn't come with a remote!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'Projectile painting.'

Painting taking root...

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"That must be the artist over there."

Private Viewing

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'You're no Pollock.'

Instant art

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"It's a great work!"

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

Francoise Gilot

Understanding art.

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"