Firehouse Humorist Gifts

"Did you ever want to just start a fire?"

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

Fire door.

'What do you mean, you can't get it to light?'

Have food. Need toilet paper

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

Life Imitates Arf....

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

Valentines for Real Estate

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

Vine-Gripened Tomatoes

Bull chasing campers, "You and your camping holidays for fresh air and excersize!"

Fire break.

Nero's Fire Alarm

'I like it.'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Zombie Camping Menu Planning

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'Meat again! That's the last dinosaur I kill.'