Firestarter Humorist Gifts

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

Emergency Hipster Beard

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

Fire door.

Good luck with that quest for fire thing! I'm just going over there to eat some grass!

'I was just rubbing sticks together for fun -- I didn't realize I was doing basic research.'

'I was just rubbing sticks together for fun -- I didn't realize I was doing basic research.'

'What do you mean; 'I should burn less fuel to save the environment'? I only discovered fire this morning.'

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Hipster Police Department

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"Yes, I do know how to light a fire with two sticks... Provided one of them is a match."

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

International Speculators

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

"I didn't discover fire, but I was the first to encircle it with stones."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'I was told that someone's mastered the secret of fire!'

"Fire down."

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"He says 'fire no rocket science' - whatever that means."

Nero's Fire Alarm

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."