Firestarter Humorist T-Shirts

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

Emergency Hipster Beard

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

Oog invented fire, then he accidentally sat in it and invented walking upright.

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

Fire door.

Good luck with that quest for fire thing! I'm just going over there to eat some grass!

'I was just rubbing sticks together for fun -- I didn't realize I was doing basic research.'

'I was just rubbing sticks together for fun -- I didn't realize I was doing basic research.'

'What do you mean; 'I should burn less fuel to save the environment'? I only discovered fire this morning.'

Gangsta wrap.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

Hipster Police Department

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"Yes, I do know how to light a fire with two sticks... Provided one of them is a match."

International Speculators

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

"I didn't discover fire, but I was the first to encircle it with stones."

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"Fire down."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'I was told that someone's mastered the secret of fire!'

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"He says 'fire no rocket science' - whatever that means."

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."