Fine-diner With Funny Bone Gifts

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"Regular service or affected?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

'House wine?'

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Aperitif?"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"Oooh... bacon!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

Lunch

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'