Cheeky Fine Diner Gifts

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"Regular service or affected?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Aperitif?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"What fly?"

Lunch

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)