Fine-diner With Funny Bone Pillows

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Regular service or affected?"

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'House wine?'

"Aperitif?"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"Oooh... bacon!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

Lunch

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'