Financial Strategy Jester Gifts

"The stockholders are demanding bold, decisive decisions, so let's blow off the annual meeting and head straight for happy hour!"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"I just..."

"Well, Comstock, still regret putting our profits back into research?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Why markets crash.

'Are we broke yet?'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'The recession is over, again.'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"It's going to require a great deal of money."

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

'Looks like we'll have to break into the piggy bank to find our endowment funding.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'The market shifted on me.'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'