Finance Jesters Gifts

'I've just had a terrible nightmare that we were living sensibly, within our budget!'

'It will interest you to learn that your bank denied my credit application for reasons of character.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I hate performance review season."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

Why markets crash.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

'Wait a minute....!

"Are you sure you haven't overvalued the worth of your business?"

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

Economic Conference.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."