Financial Fables Gifts

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Sub-prime Bear

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Make Your Portfolio BEARable.

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

Business Fairy Tales.

'Dear shareholders, let me deliver a brief report on financial results...'

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

"The stock market hit 50,000 and everyone lived happily ever after."

More toxic assets.

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

"Woohoo! I can deduct the bribe for the tax inspector!"

Cupid views his online credit rating.

"Here's a blues number I wrote anout paying my dues with the cash back I got on my platinum card."

'My advice? Invest in 'rRising Star' in the first race at Belmont. But what do I know? I'm just the boss' bookie.'

Symbols of Wall St.

'I'm sorry. The possibility that you may have won $10 million in the sweepstakes won't do as collateral.'

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

'Another golden egg Mr. Goose! At this rate you'll be a millionaire soon!'

'If you can't get by on your present salary, Slocum, I suggest your wife get a second job.'

'My bank has introduced a new 'SMS alert' service.'

"Here are the earnings projections. You said you enjoy reading fantasy, right?"

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'