Finance Funnybone Gifts

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"That was a rumor day."

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

Fish in Water Cooler.

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

Bookkeeping Club

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"For Feng Shui I'd like to move your liver above your lungs.''

Canine Bank and Trust. I'd like my account to roll over. I'll go fetch it.

tax

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

We'll pass on the entrees...

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."