Finance Funnybone Pillows

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"That was a rumor day."

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Fish in Water Cooler.

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

"For Feng Shui I'd like to move your liver above your lungs.''

tax

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

We'll pass on the entrees...

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."