Foodie Funnybone Pillows

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercise. I don't thing he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'Sorry, we're looking for a short order cook.'

'He specializes in chicken dishes.'

Donut Eating Contest

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Snowprov

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

A Club Sandwitch.

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'House wine?'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Oooh... bacon!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'