Foodie Funny Bones Pillows

'I've got the 'fat bastard' gene.'

A Club Sandwitch.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Snowprov

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

An early space launch attempt.

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'House wine?'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Oooh... bacon!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

Fetch the Boomerang

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

He. 'How would you like to own a--er--a little puppy?' She. 'Oh, Mr. Softly, this is so sudden!'

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."