Foodie Funny Bones Pillows

'I've got the 'fat bastard' gene.'

A Club Sandwitch.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Snowprov

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

An early space launch attempt.

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'House wine?'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

"Oooh... bacon!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

Fetch the Boomerang

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."