Festive Funny Bones Pillows

"Before you go inside, give me a chance to explain the mess ..."

Snowprov

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

A Club Sandwitch.

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

An early space launch attempt.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Eucharist

'Bugger it, we're out of beer!'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Movers and shakers.

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"