Festive Funny Bones Gifts

Snowprov

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

A Club Sandwitch.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

An early space launch attempt.

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'Bugger it, we're out of beer!'

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Eucharist

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

Movers and shakers.

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'I'm afraid it's mad cow disease.'

That's the worst case of 'cow arse' I've seen in a child!

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'