Festive Funny Bone Gifts

Santa delivering newspapers

"I think our algorithm MAY have a few glitches...he was in the 'nice' list!"

Santa Mail.

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

'Have you seen the time, Santa?'

'Rudolph, I can't believe your nose was fake.'

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

"I've never come across anything like this! Millions of brake-ins through the chimney in one single night??!"

"I am having an alternative Christmas."

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"

Snowprov

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

A Club Sandwitch.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'Bugger it, we're out of beer!'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

Eucharist

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'