Family Funny Bone Gifts

"My child has special wants."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'It looks like the baby drew an organizational chart of our family!'

'I think Gramma's a saint for taking you school shopping.'

"Shut the door! Do you live in a barn or something?!"

Snowprov

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

'Bugger it, we're out of beer!'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

Fish in Water Cooler.

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

Eucharist

Movers and shakers.

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Dog at a restaurant