Foodie With Funny Bone Pillows

'You always have the 'Last Laugh.' Why don't you order something else for a change?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

A Club Sandwitch.

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

'House wine?'

"Oooh... bacon!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'

Ranch Dressing

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'