Foodie With Funny Bone Gifts

'You always have the 'Last Laugh.' Why don't you order something else for a change?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

A Club Sandwitch.

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

'House wine?'

"Oooh... bacon!"

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

Ranch Dressing

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.