Feng Shui Funnybone Gifts

"For Feng Shui I'd like to move your liver above your lungs.''

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

Movers and shakers.

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

tax

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

'I'm afraid it's mad cow disease.'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"Sadly, we're seeing more and more of this as we encroach on their natural habitat."

We'll pass on the entrees...

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

'They must be trash fish!'

"If at first you don't succeed, give up skydiving."

Policeman to driver; 'You gotta be kidding. Your name is actually Anna Nicole Smith?'