Figure Skeptic Gifts

'Seventy three percent of statistics are made up on the spot.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Coincidence or What?

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Weight Gain Denial

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"I totally meant to do that."

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

Today's Topic: "Intelligent Design." Do you believe in "intelligent design"? I did until I met you.

Documentation Please

Science deniers Soc.