Authority Figure Skeptic Gifts

Policeman tells dying man to move along.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

Politicians are from Uranus.

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

The Government That Cried Wolf

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

'We don't believe your story: a wolf would never attack a sheep.'

Turnkey Totalitarianism

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

"They're really more like a bucket list."

'No 'Natural Environment,' next 127 miles - Govt. test study.'

"Afraid we can't help dear, too many other calls on the public purse!"

"I have every confidence that the measures taken will encourage spending..."

"More government regulations, Mr. Maslin?"

"What do the know!"

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Okay - Who built this site?'

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

QANON PROUD BOY

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

'Hi - I'm from the Government, and I'm here to implant this little chip in your brain.'

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

Newt, a man of ideas. . . We didn't say they were good ideas.

"Ya gotta obey the rules otherwise there's anarchy!"