Field Humorist Gifts

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Dibs!

'Don't bunch up around the ball! Spread out, spread out! ... And quit grazing, Lyle!'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

Football Chameleon

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"The Eggsorcist"

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Static cling."

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Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Magic Act

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!