Field Humorist Pillows

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Dibs!

'Don't bunch up around the ball! Spread out, spread out! ... And quit grazing, Lyle!'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Football Chameleon

"The Eggsorcist"

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

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'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

"Static cling."

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

Magic Act

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'